the struggling

i’m really struggling atm with the weight gain, i’m looking at pictures from before the recovery and just wishes that was my weight now because i feel fat and ugly and i feel like no one understands how i feel, i’m just tired of people saying “she’s got better” because i really haven’t.

just because your putting food down my throat does not mean i don’t feel guilty after every bite. just because i gain weight, doesn’t mean i want to skip meals and make myself ill. the thing with anorexia is yes it’s the weight but it’s also your mental because it does boil down to your mental well being and that’s how it all started. just talking about it makes me feel sick. and i just want to go back to when no one knew about it. and where i was happy, under weight but happy.

however then i think to myself, were you happy? constantly thinking about food calories, fat content, no no you weren’t.

and yes  scared of gaining weight but then i think to myself and think about my future, gaining weight doesn’t only help my health but it also helps my future gain weight = gaining a great future whereas loosing or not gaining will just ruin it. So whenever i’m thinking or struggling the things i do are :

• PMA (positive mental attitude)

• talk to family and friends 

• think about my future 

• think about my goals (school etc) 

• talk to people in a similar situation and see how they coped

• distracting myself 

• think about times in the past when annie wasn’t there

there just the main things i have many more! 

thanks for following my blog, if your in a similar situation and would like someone to talk to my DM’s are always open, if you want me to write about a certain subject or leave feedback, just leave it in the comments.

i would be so grateful if you followed, share and watch my story and help others!